14 October 2011 - Divorce Day!!!

Now a Friday is a lovely creature as it is, full of hopes and expectations and the promise of a flavourful weekend. But this one was, like your daft cousin Nammy, just a little extra special.

This one was... DIVORCE DAY!! Dum dum DUM!!!!

I'd been waiting for it all week and it was finally here!!!!! And we were finally going to do this!!!!! It was a day of a a heck of a lot of exclamation marks!!!!! I think I talked non-stop from well near beginning to end and by evening my face actually hurt from smiling too much. Who knew something like that could happen?

I was up early, bright eyed and bushy haired and ready for the day! After over a year of waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting and just a bit more waiting, it was finally time to snip this septic rose in the bud!


Okay so we got to the court really, really early and had to stand and wait outside with a few other hopefuls for the doors to be opened and our dreams to be made flesh.

One of the warnings on this here fine piece of glass is one telling you that you are not allowed to take photos without permission. I decided I'd ponder that later after I took all the pics. It's a lot easier to ask forgiveness then permission!



This is the door to what I, rather unoriginally, call 'The Divorce Room!' (Said in a scary sounding stage whisper!!). You get applications for divorce, where you fill in all the grizzly details of why your marriages is doomed to failure and then stack your case file with all the other unhappy stories weighing down the shelves there in. The sights and stories that the people working there must have witnessed...

Just after I snuck this photo they put up a white sheet of paper, they never do the same colour twice it seems, with a list of everyone who was due for court. I was 3rd on the list! Bronze medal woohoo!!! (Hey they took ages getting ready for us, I had to keep my imagination busy.)



Okay about now you are wondering just what my obsession with taking photos of doors is. (All with brightly coloured bit's of paper stuck on it seems). But the fact of the matter is the day was mostly about us waiting in front of doors to get things done. I'm sure if I was in the timber industry it would have been fascinating. "By George lad, 'tis sold genuine fake walnut that is!"

This is the rather understated door to the court where we'd go to tell our tales and be heard by a judge. You have to admit it's a little unimpressive. No intimidating towers or bad art work or columns where criminals had etched their last word and testament. Kempton court is not about flair.



Yay, I managed to get this pic before they told us to turn all cellphones off! I like to think that makes it a perfectly legal (pardon the pun) pic to have taken!

This is inside of the courtroom. I'd like to say it was minutes before the judge came in, but we sat and waited for AGES before she appeared. I Was half nervous, half excited and as a result the most talkative person in the room. There were only 10 - 12 of us in the whole court. It was very snug and appealing, so may I recommend Kempton Court for all your divorce needs?

Finally the judge, a small yet severe, looking Indian woman, came in and we all stood and looked respectful of the law. (We weren't told what her name was! I felt a bit gyp'd at that! Should they say, the Honourable Judge Whatsamaface presiding? I mean hello, don't they watch TV?)

There were two cases before me. One was a guy who got married on THE SAME DAY as I was!
I whispered to Rob that it was a cursed day!!
Then there was a woman who'd been married in the SAME MONTH as I was!
I whispered to Rob that it was a cursed month!!
Then it was my turn and no more whispering which I think Rob was kind of glad of.

Cor but you are nervous up on the podium where you testify! Everyone is watching you and you have to answer all sorts of semi-intimate questions on - where do you live? Is this your marriage certificate? And the one that never fails to grip the audience's attention, tell the court why you are getting a divorce? I'm not telling you what I said, you had your chance to come with! But I managed to do pretty well! (Though I kept saying 'Yip' instead of 'Yes', I blame bad internet chat habits for that, yip I do!)

Then the judge pronounced, after getting my ex-spouse's gender wrong a few times, that the court has heard my tale of woe and deems that, BAM, I am divorced and that whatever property we own is now ours exclusively and if you never see your ex again ever ever ever, well, shucks too bad!!

We were then dismissed and we bowed to the judge and left. (My now-truely-official-ex was worried I'd not want to bow to the judge. Silly rabbit. I'd have donned a bear costume and danced a 'Hey nonny nonny' if it was required!)

And that was it!
Done and dusted!!!
3 weeks later I pick up the divorce decree, which I can then show off to friends and neighbours and random surprised looking people in the streets!

I don't recommend having a divorce, you know, just for poops and giggles but if you do, well this is one way to do it!

Now onwards to new adventures, new relationships and, hopefully, not a new divorce! (I don't want to be spoilt you know...)

Happy Freedom Day!!!

Gautrain ride - September 1 2011

Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?!
I got to ride the Gautrain for the first time ever, ever, ever, last Thursday! Now it was already my first day of work, so there was excitement enough, but then to have to go on the train all by my lonesome? What if I got lost? Got on the wrong train and ended up in Albuquerque?!
It was terribly exciting!! Want to go on a virtual ride with me?

Well then first we need to get you a ticket! Well a card more likely! You go to these semi-automatic teller type machines, where a bored guard who looks like he's seen it all in life and nothing could surprise him, helps you select the amount to put on the card and which buttons to press that won't cause a serious malfunction and have you being taken into the station where a duo of "Good cop, Creepy cop" give you a cavity search!
The amount on the card then gets deducted each time you swipe it to enter or leave a station! We're all loaded up - let's RIDE!!

The stations are actually very well marked and I think you'd have to work at it to get lost. Worse comes to worse, you'll get to see a whole 'nother side of Joburg in the complete opposite direction of where you were going! And even then the trains are so fast, stop frequently and kinda tell you where you're going, so chances are you could do all that and still get to the office for that annoying 9am meeting you just HAVE to chair!

Here comes the train!! "Stand back from the edge" intones the pre-recorded female voice. I suppose people falling onto the tracks and getting squished would be a bother, it's hard to remove bone fragments from those tiny wheels...
Race you on!!

Here are some of my travelling companions from my first ride ever! They're a bit blurry cause the jolting of the train is not a photographer's friend! Funny thing was that there were some open seats but people got spooked and decide they'd rather stand then sit near strangers. I got to stand right by the door and freak out this skittish lady with my cell phone snaps! (She has nice hair don't you think?)

On my ride back home the train was much emptier and I got to sit down. I tell you, standing is way more fun! It feels like you're surfing, whereas sitting makes you just feel lazy! The chairs are pretty comfie and clean. You get an R700 fine if you smoke, eat or drink on the train! Hooray!! I mean you never know what's out there in the dark tunnels and anything that reduces my chances of being set on by giant mutant cockroaches is grand by my standards!

This pic gives you an idea of the speed of the train. The frame is all in focus and dandy but wow, check out how fast that grass is just whizzing by! I think it goes around 160km an hour but it really feels more like 60 - 80km! Deceptive!!

Below is a pic of the warning sign on the sliding door, reminding people that the doors are automatic and that, should you decide to lean on them in abject bliss, well, falling out will be your own problem! (And whomever the luckless CSI chap is who removes the bone fragments, please don't overwork our police force!)

But it is sort of nice to just look out the window and day dream the trip away...

Oh here is our station and so soon!


Wasn't that fun? The real life thing is so much better! Want to ride with me next time? We can have a grand old gossip about terrible train accidents and OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT SOUND?!?!?!?!

China Town - Late August 2011

Oh rapture!!! one of my, admittedly smaller, dreams came true and I finally got to go to Chinatown! This is a large shopping complex situated in Bruma - East Gate, which is largely devoted to selling Chinese goods < - - as you might just have guessed.

Oooh look! Look! Oriental writing that I can't read and that could actually be a curse on all Caucasians and their fore-bearers! Yay, we must nearly be there!!


Okay first sight out of the car was the loos. Not to get titchy or anything but what is that brown stuff oozing from the walls? Walk on Jo, walk on!!


Inside the complex and WOW! Stalls everywhere! Things everywhere!! It's all so bright and garish! Of we go!!! And yes, suspicious looking lady, I am taking a pic of you!


Colourful!!! Doesn't it just make you want to dive right in and see what weird and wonderful things could be in there?! (This time I waited for the guy to stop staring at me before I took the pic, variety is the spice of life [Though pepper is good too]).

Beads! Beads! Beads! The amount of beading shops was astronomical! If there exists a bead in this world, then some of it's kith and kin exists in Chinatown!

Seriously, beads everywhere!
Okay but besides beads there were also:-

Toys - all sorts and varieties, some I'd never seen before and some I hope to never see again! Going to china town with a small kid or medium sized Jo is really not recommended!


Odd Chinese Stuff - Have you got the balls? I do! A nice green, musical pair! And too late, I've heard every innuendo and joke about it under the sun and over the moon, but thanks for trying all the same!


Weaponry - So if you want to rob the shop you have a wide variety to choose from!


Um - Well I suppose a wig can be useful... All these disembodied heads are a little creepy though, I sort of half expect the eyes to follow me as I go past! *Shivers*


Um?!?! - Want a last statue of Elvis? Maybe Michael Jackson to scare the kids? You want it, they got it!!

It was wonderful though! So much to see and touch and smell and try not to step in! I thoroughly recommend it as an adventure for the whole family! Just maybe go at the end of the month when funds are low, otherwise who knows what you'll step out with! "But Ma! Ah jus' had to have one o' them rotating Jesus statues with them thar perdy green light up eyes!!"
*Help*

The Cradle Mid August 2011

A weekend away? Why yes I'd love it!

So off we went to the Cradle resort, situated in the Area known as the Cradle of Mankind, (Origionality wasn't their strong point) about an hours drive from Randburg. I'd not done any research on the area or even so much as asked for clues about it through charades, so it was all terribly exciting! That whole, "I've no idea where we're going or what to expect, eeeek!" kind of feeling!
ROAD TRIP! (Short but it counts!!)


Traveling the long and windy roads to the Reserve, you notice everything is very beige and brown and crisp due to it being winter, but the weather was surprisingly warm and the car trip wasn't uncomfortable at all! I can just imagine how it could have gone... 5 people in a car when it overheats and strange, and best left unmentioned, odours start to permiate your senses! Thank you gods of weather for your kindness!

From tar roads to lumpy-bumpy sand and dust roads! Once inside the resort you drive for Kilometers yet to get to the chalets themselves. It's an up, down, up-down-down-up, ditch, ouch-my bum sort of ride!!
I think it would be nice for spotting animals but most seemed to be having an afternoon siesta when we drove down. Does a dust devil count?

There we are! hidden amongst all the twigs and grasses! Rattly branches and a forest-like feel made it seem like a scene from 'The Blair Witch project!' (Only the home vids we made were far more entertaining...)

This is the reception hut. Isn't it teeny? Very small and snug, though I don't recommend it if you're too much bigger then Jo height!

As everyone got their resevations sorted I made friends with the local wild life.

There was a lot of plant life and even a stream to explore. Alas, unlike weird Uncle Freddy, it didn't have any crabs! We walked all about it though spying on the various things it did have. Rocks.
A lot of rocks.

But there were a few odd creatures about as well! ^_^

This is the outside of one of the chalets. They're all connected by bridges that have that classic smell of pitch and tar to them. You had to keep all the windows and doors locked because the monkeys, who were not very photogenic, would come in and make off with your biscuits! Our neighbours discovered this the hard way.

This is the inside! Small hey? Like a hobbit hole! the bathroom is behind that bulging lump of wall and privacy is well near not an option. Half the lights were on strike but luckily at least one worked! They do provide you with most everything you'd need for a self catering place though. Mind there was a spider on the curtain and I sure as heck don't remember ordering that!

I think this is either the electricity shed or a prop from Stephen king's 'Tommyknockers'! Open the door and find people in pickling juice having their brains sucked dry!!! Damn, the door is locked! Ah well, it's not that high up on my 'to do' list anyway!

So of course we all ended up taking tons of pics of the braai! That came out really well! (The pics and the food!). It was warm and snuggly as the night air became more and more chill! And SO QUIET!!

It was a nice little place to stay, and for a Couple (It gets a bit cramped when the numbers start leaping past 2), it would be a great get away from the worries and strife of modern civilization. (But with a fridge and cell phone signal because there have to be limits, you understand.) You couldn't stay a week, you'd get bored and turn cannibal, but for a weekend away it was, all in all, pretty dang nifty!!

Through slush and snow! 15 August 2011

Cor Blimey! Middle of August and the sun's been getting stronger, (a bit like your old tough Gramps after a mean bout of clenching constipation), and the days are getting warmer and warmer and really, who needs that extra blanket any more? And then...
BAM!!!!
You're slapped upside the head with one of the coldest days of the entire season!!
Do you call that playing fair?!

I was in the middle of my walk when the hail came down! I phoned Rob and we decided that going to the shops would be a much better idea in the nice, warm car. It turned out to be quiet the adventure instead!

The first sign we had of impending doom was a splotch of slush on the windscreen that vaguely resembled frozen bird poop. Then the stuff came spewing down looking for all the world like some sort of Slush-puppy mixture, maybe the original, unflavored variety that no one likes but slimmers pretend to and gulp down in large mouthfuls as their taste-buds desperately grasp for anything even vaguely resembling taste!


Rob went into daredevil mode and very confidently sliced through the ice and smoosh that had conquered lesser vehicles! The road was full of this frosty, ice chunky water that made the most ghastly sound when being thrown backwards into car steel by the tires, like a thousand mouse skulls being pulverized with the greatest of ease! KKKRRRRRRRRRAH!!!!


The stuff piled up in no time! It looked like such a classic winter scene! Wouldn't you just expect to see a shy wild reindeer out in the grasses? Or maybe a yeti, running free, with someone's kid under it's arm... Gives you a warm glowing feeling doesn't it?

I will admit it was a bit scary in the car with the elements going psycho outside, but also, curiously satisfying! It was like, "Haha! Rage all ye will, we shall triumph!" < - - Admittedly I only thought this AFTER we were safe and sheltered!

To be fair it was only for about 10 - 15 minutes before the deluge turned to just rain! It always feels longer when you're living it though!



When we did finally stop the car was covered in this beige / brown ice that did not look all that finger licking good! Ooooh and it was so cold! Cold cold cold cold cold!!

Just goes to show, don't count your summer days before they've dawned!!
Brrr!!

Keep warm everyone!

The Gardens - take two - Late May 2011

I recently blogged our first trip to the Walter Sisulu Gardens, where we bounded about exploring and oohing and aahing over interesting flora and fauna.

http://sparkyjoadventure.blogspot.com/2011/05/walter-sisulu-botanical-gardens-april.html

Well we decided to go back! And this time we did some of the small "hiking" trails about the park. Want to see some of what we saw?

This is the gate opening into one of the hiking trails, isn't it inviting? Mind we did the walk in such a willy-nilly fashion that we ended coming out this side instead! Eh, who wants to do things by the book all the time anyway?

Isn't that a scrumptious view? It's late May so winter was settling in with a 'Brr' like determination but it hadn't yet managed to conquer all the feisty green plants, hooray!

Don't these steps look like they might lead to somewhere far away and magical? Mostly they just lead to more hiking trail, but I'm sure that magical kingdom is just around the bend... (Oh wait, this map is upside down! And drawn by me! Oh dear...we're all gonna die, aren't we?)

Some parts of the garden actually did look dead scary! You can imagine this scenery in a slasher movie where some abnormally large breasted girl in scanty clothing is running for her life while the baddy, who was miles behind her, pulls a short cut and leaps in front of her with a smile and a wink and a really high quality chainsaw!

Soft moss....*rub rub rub*
Oh that mark on my middle finger was where a hot pot got revenge on me! It's still not fully healed even now! If you'd like you can take a moment of silence...

Under the low hanging branches we go! Tall people might find this walk a bit more adventurous then us compact sorts. However small people will find their struggle amusing so it's a win-win situation!

EGAD!!! A SNAKE!!! Well at the gardens a hose pipe really is the closest thing you're likely to get to a snake. Can't say I was complaining!

Was trying to take a photo of a butterfly fluttering about here! Little demon moved so fast! BUT if you look closely on the pathway you can see his shadow!! I'm not sure why but I feel rather proud of that!

There were a lot of really pretty, sassy little flowers sprinkled all about the park. I wanted to take a zillion pics, but I'm realistic enough to know I'd be the only one who'd sit through photo after photo of pansies that were floral and not "just really fabulous people hunny!"

Here is the waterfall again. If you squint your eyes up all Asian like (though not as attractive), you can see the eagle nest on the left hand ledge, high up and far away. We thought they were empty but....


With the aid of a telescope conveniently placed there by birding enthusiasts, we managed to see the eagles! Both these pics were taken by having me arch over the scope and hover my camera just above the eye piece! Me thinks not too bad all in all! I even managed to get a pic of the male who flew off ten seconds after he was spotted! Oh Jo, what good timing!

Apparently the eagles nest there all winter so if you'd like to see it sometime, or maybe just go through the park on a hike or two with a woman with an extremely under-burnt middle finger, well, just let me know, I'm always game!